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I MARRIED A GEEK

Rachel Probert

There's a point in everyone's relationship where the 'true you' comes out. It doesn't have to mean that you've intentionally kept something from your partner. It may be that you haven't yet learnt about this 'true you' yourself. In our relationship, I learnt that my husband was, and is, a geek. I should have seen the signs, and we've all heard the phrase that hindsight is 20/20...

It all started on a wet and dreary autumn day. Having nothing to make this offensive day pass quicker, on advisement of a friend, (who is a geek), we embarked on the fragtastic journey of Quake. A couple of friends, a couple of cans and a game on the computer.. quel amusement!

To my horror and surprise my poor husband lost all sense of self control and was irrevocably changed from that day on. What started with a quick computer game led to a whole host of what I prefer to call 'obsessions', manifesting themselves in Capture the Flag, Kill the Llama, and I have vague memories of something called Kujo the Dog. All of this led to us having to buy a better computer.

Having researched what computer graphics card we 'absolutely needed' at that time intrigued him into playing with all those little wire things inside the computer. The modest computer that sat on our nice and tidy desk was to be no more. The computer case was permanently off from then on, and his head was permanently inside. Looking back, I now realise that at that point, he was lost forever.

He went from computer-related obsession to computer-related obsession, unable to recognise what he had turned into, and emphatically denied all knowledge of being a Geek. Everyone around him saw him for what he really was, although my husband tried to shield this from the public like a dirty little secret.

In my opinion, it was a secret not very well kept. Anyone who visited us would not be able to ignore the bits and pieces of debris that were slowly but surely taking over the living room, kitchen and hallway. Let's not forget our fire hazard bathroom that was now apparently a library for all his Linux User & Developer magazines. Coax cable, hubs, switching boxes, dead mice, artistic displays of keyboards and a home network! Why, oh why does a two-person house need a three computer network? Mumbles of 'You don't understand', and something about my need for so many pairs of boots were all I could hear. My husband was gone, and now my home was gone too. I was becoming a stranger.

To aggravate matters, my husband decided to enrol for a degree in Business Information Management. The Business side of it was to prove he wasn't a Geek; the Information Management side was a slow drip feed into his self-denial. Wouldn't it be best for the family and the community if he was honest about his activities and obsessions, instead of sneaking in to people's email accounts and editing signature templates to include a spiel on the dangers of software patents?

Not knowing what I was up against, I decided to seek help. I thought there had to be something similar to AA for him, to meet and chat with others of his kind. Sending him to the local LUG (Linux User Group) meeting was the best I could come up with. I sat and waited, nervously drinking cup of tea after cup of tea, until he finally returned a different person: a more confident, radiant man geek.

Armed with this new air of confidence, he became more open about his true being. He decided to write his degree thesis on an Open Source Software issue, of which he is rightfully proud. He excelled in all his course modules, especially those of the IT variety.

Years have passed since then. We have children now, and things (namely electronic debris) have had to find good safe homes to make way for the plethora of nappies and other baby accessories. He still keeps a collection of his most prized debris. He thinks I don't know about it, hidden away in the filing cabinet.

Although he now embraces his true identity and stands with his chin held high, I think it's only fair for him to have this secret drawer. And who says a geek can't be romantic? My latest discovery is that he's learning to dance. I've just caught him trying to hide his copy of the O'Reilly Samba Pocket Reference Guide.

Ed: If you liked this tale from Rachel then you may like to read some other articles by Rachel on her own web site at:
http://www.probert.me.uk/Linux-User-and-Developer.asp

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